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Red Flags ? ?

Lying is abuse.

Cheating is abuse.

Intimidation is abuse.

Manipulation is abuse.

Silent treatment is abuse.

Physical abandonment is abuse.

Emotional abandonment is abuse.

Cheating isn't part of ups and down of marriage.

Being made to feel low, worthless, insignificant, stupid for loving someone genuinely is an abuse.

People who do this and treat you this way are not God's gift to you. They are the devil's counterfeit sent to keep you from receiving God's promise for yout life and keep you from truly walking in God's will and purpose for your destiny.

Each time you give yourself to an abuser and allow them to keep manipulating you, you are giving pieces of you bit by bit that you may never get back. You are giving up so much and gaining so little by holding onto an abuser, You deserve better.

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The Question: I'm cheating on my husband and got pregnant from another man. Should I tell my husband or just pretend like this is his child? Is there any way for him to figure it out?

The Answer: You are playing a very dangerous game. You are putting your lover and yourself in danger of a husband taking revenge on one or both of you. You are in the process of bringing a child into an absolute mess.

1. This is a secret that can come out at any time (medical illness, careless talk, suspicion based on child's appearance, during an argument ) and impact negatively on your husband and even worse your child who will discover that his / her whole identity is built on a lie.

2. If you don't tell your husband you are actually expecting him to continue to pay the price for your bad behaviour while you go scot free. . This is because you are aware he will be assuming financial and emotional obligations for a child he may never have accepted if he knew the child's heritage.

3. It will also create an emotional burden on you as you will constantly live with the fear your secret will be discovered.

4. When you started sleeping with another man without taking adequate precautions to prevent conception, you should have realised that, if you became pregnant, you would have to let your husband know about your conduct and that there was a likelihood your marriage would end .

5. You should also have accepted that unless your lover was prepared to step up to the plate, you would be a single mother.

6. I am sorry I have to remind you that actions have consequences and that you need to face up to yours as honorably as you can under the circumstances.

7. I think you should apologize—from a distance—to your husband, telling him that you want a divorce because you have been unfaithful and are now pregnant, and that you realize you do not deserve him in your life any more.

8. My guess is that the guy who got you pregnant is a loser, or he would not have been romancing a married woman. I don’t think you will have much of a future with him.

9. After you confess and apologize, there is a one in a million chance your husband would forgive you and raise the child as his own. But don’t count on it.

10. And don’t try to hide what you’ve done. It will come out and be 10 times worse.

Bad news doesn’t get better with age.

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Behind every broken heart? is someone who trusted the wrong person, gave his/her heart to the wrong person, loved and was never loved in return, sacrificed a lot for a lover? who was not worth it, hoped for someone who did not fulfil the hope, committed to the wrong relationship with someone who was not worth the commitment, etc.

Just remember this: Loving? the wrong person is not the end of life. Loving? the wrong person does not mean you will never be able to love? again, loving? the wrong person does not mean you are a loser.

Just like the stages of development of a butterfly, there are the ugly stages of larva and pupae but the adult is a beautiful butterfly that every person admires. Experiencing an ugly heart break does not mean you shall never live to experience a beautiful love? once more.

Heart break conditions someone how to live to experience true love? and appreciate it when it comes along in the future.

Someone who knows thirst really knows the value of water?️ more than someone? who has never experienced thirst; thus someone who has ever suffered a major heart break really appreciates when true love? comes along than someone who has never been heart broken.?

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The Question:
How do I deal with my husband having a child as a result of an affair? He did not come clean until I went above and beyond and got it out of him. The baby is now three months and I am pregnant with our third. How do I survive this?

The Answer:
This is such a stressful time for you, and tragic, and I really feel for you. I feel awful to ask this but have you been tested for STDs as he’s not being careful.

Do what is best for you and your children. If he stays, then there is another child, an innocent, to take into account. How much involvement would he want in the other child’s life? How will he support them financially? If he goes then you will need to make sure you’re well supported, emotionally and financially, and arrange access meetings for the children. Have you someone else you can talk to too? Face to face?

You have 2 options; only 2!
To ask for divorce or to stay.

iT'S AN OPTION. You can decide never to allow a man to damage your emotional well being. After all, how many men will accept their wives for bringing another man's pregnancy.
Certainly, seek therapy for your feelings. Then decide. Think of it this way.
You could leave and have a new life with a man that didn’t cheat and know they are YOUR kids but will help you raise them.

2. STAY!
Yes, you asked how to survive. You CAN!
People survive adultery every day. Some marriages become much stronger following affairs because it forces BOTH spouses to own up to their shortcomings.

Marital problems are caused by both spouses in most cases and adultery isn’t the problem, it’s the manifestation of lots of problems.

Don’t get me wrong. The cheater owns more of the blame, but almost never is the only one to blame.

This is because the cheated on doesn’t see what they are doing wrong and rarely acknowledges it. The hardest thing to do is to accept that you are part of the problem.

For the sake of the children, you could absolutely work on the marriage. Unless you want to mess up your children. I don't suscribe to broken homes and I would not wish it for any child. Ask the ones who have been there. For your sake and this or any future relationship you might be in, you need to go to counseling.

Aside from counseling-which is a must-you need to come up with reasonable boundaries and expectations. He must be in the life of his child with his affair partner, which makes it difficult for you both because he cannot just cut off contact with her. She should probably be part of the counseling.

Given the pregnancy and the post partum, both of your emotions are going to be an issue.

This situation is difficult. There’s no easy way, but there is definitely hope for all of you. You married him, she didn’t. The marriage will only work if both of you want it to and are committed to making it work.

I wish you the best. Marriages have survived worse situations.

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